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The Top 10 Ways to NOT Become a Twitter Influencer
The “real” inside scoop for “experts”
Brought to you by Suri Translations
I’m here to give you the real scoop on how to make it BIG on Twitter.
All these so-called “experts” are feeding you lies about how to gain followers and become an influencer.
Like, you know, be yourself, tweet consistently, find a niche, share value.
I’m pulling back the curtain on those outdated tactics. Take my advice, and you’ll be tweeting into the void in no time.
1. Tweet randomly
The first key to absolutely tanking your Twitter presence is to tweet randomly whatever pops into your head, whenever you feel like it.
Don’t bother planning content or checking engagement. Consistency is for chumps.
Real influencers tweet randomly about their breakfast burrito one minute, then about their favorite brand of socks in the next.
There’s no rhyme or reason to it! The more sporadic and disjointed your tweeting is, the faster you’ll build your loyal audience.
2. Automate everything
Scheduling tweets is for suckers.
If you want to destroy your Twitter credibility, set up 100 bots to spam hundreds of low-quality tweets per day on every trending topic.
The key is making sure your content is as impersonal and robotic as possible.
People love when complete strangers they don’t follow clog up their feeds!
Use services to autoreply to every single tweet you see with “Follow Burk!” or “Check out Burk’s online shop!”. Show everyone how desperate you are!
3. Be SUPER annoying
A surefire way to repel followers en masse is to be as annoying as humanly possible.
Reply to every single tweet you see with “Follow me!” or “Check out my shop!”. Show how needy you are!
Take it up a notch by documenting every tedious moment of your day in excruciating detail. Give the people what they don’t want — a blow-by-blow account of your breakfast choices, commute drama, boring work meetings, lunch order, afternoon snack, more banal work stuff, after-work gym session, dinner preparation, and bedtime routine.
Influencers thrive on oversharing every moment!
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4. Beg for likes
The best influencer strategy is shamelessly begging for engagement. Plead with people to like and retweet your content.
Promise to follow back anyone who shows you even an ounce of approval or appreciation.
Great influencers have zero self-respect and are thirsty for validation! Make sure to seem as desperate and insecure as possible.
5. Use incomprehensible hashtags
The more random and irrelevant hashtags you can cram into a single tweet, the more likely you are to go viral.
It doesn’t matter if the hashtags make no sense or are completely unrelated to your content.
Real influencers excel at baffling hashtags like #What #are #you #even #talking #about????
The key is using as many as possible in every tweet.
6. Reply guys
Want to make people instantly despise you?
Then the reply guy strategy is for you!
Jump into ongoing conversations that you’re completely uninvolved in by replying to popular accounts’ tweets with your useless, unsolicited opinions.
People love when strangers butt into their convos!
This is sure to get you labeled a troll, but it’s a terrific engagement booster.
Build strong connections with your audience by subtweeting people. Make vague, passive-aggressive references to those who have wronged you without directly naming them.
For example, “Wonder why some people can’t admit when they’re wrong instead of doubling down on lies?”
This cryptic trash talk is sure to get people hooked on your drama!
Subtweeting is a cowardly influencer tactic that just works.
8. Pick fights
If you’re ready to tank your reputation with lightning speed, pick fights online!
Insult or dig into anyone you disagree with over any topic.
Make sure to bicker back and forth endlessly in public Twitter feuds for maximum impact. When you’re overtly hostile and defensive, it shows passion and builds your brand!
Living for drama is the mark of a true Twitter celeb.
9. Buy followers
While genuine engagement takes time and effort, we all know shortcuts are best for quick results.
Simply pay for fake bot followers in bulk. Who cares if 60% of your audience is made up of bots and inactive accounts?
Inflated numbers are all that really matter when it comes to influence.
Focus on meaningless vanity metrics over real humans.
10. Spam Your Links
Lastly, aggressively spam your links under the guise of “sharing value.”
Hijack threads by posting your affiliate links or pushing people to your products, even when completely irrelevant to the discussion.
The more you choke your content down people’s throats, the more they’ll warm up to you!
Never pass up an opportunity for a hard sales pitch.
The bottom line
There you have it. Now you know the proven steps for tanking any chances of becoming a respectable Twitter influencer!
My advice guarantees you’ll be tweeting into the void in no time.
Or, you know, take the exact opposite approach if you actually want people to like and trust you. But what do I know…
Also, this Twitter Growth Guide is worth thousands of $$$, but you get it for free today!!! Just like and comment “Twitter wizard”.